COSMIC CHANDRATAL

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After reaching the shores of Chandratal Lake, I got awestruck as few places on earth are as beautiful as this place, surrounded by majestic Himalayas, undulating meadows and above all peace and serenity. The stillness of this treeless landscape is completely in tune with my inner silence.

At the shores of this lake, my mind is disappearing; it is infinite miles away now. For the first time in my life, I am enjoying each and every activity of my life fully. My mind is not running away anywhere anymore; it has become still and silent. I have completely forgotten about my question and quest. Nothing else is required anymore as all my questions have vanished now.

I have done nothing at all to calm my mind; it happened naturally. This inner silence has sucked my past memories and future desires completely, leaving me with the aliveness of each moment.

This mysterious inner silence is pulling me like a black hole. Maybe it is going to be my death, but there is no fear. I am ready for it. The past few days lived in silence with Hachhi, Rustam and my herd have given me tremendous contentment even to face death; nothing more is needed.

At sunset, I entered the chilled crystal-clear water of Chandratal Lake. After the bath, I lied naked on the grass and started watching the moving clouds. I got so lost that I completely forgot about my body. I felt completely weightless, as if I was in the hands of some limitless unknown energy.

After watching the spectacular show of orange clouds for some time, the last thing which I can recall is that my eyes started closing naturally. It was very difficult for me to keep them open. Soon, I drowned in something which is far beyond the state of sleep.

When I opened my eyes at the serene shores of Chandratal Lake, I saw full moon in the sky reflecting as it is in the still crystal-clear lake.

I was still lying naked on the grass and everything around me was covered under the soothing moon light. Everything was extremely still and I could feel the sound of my breaths and heartbeat which indicated that my body was still alive. The mountains, lake and sky, everything was asleep, but I could see them alive. Even the smallest blade of grass was talking to me. The whole universe suddenly became a blessing.

All of a sudden, I started laughing loudly and my laughter echoed in the majestic mountains. I laughed at myself first and then I laughed at the whole humanity. The entire night, I heard my echoing laughter again and again on various stupidities of my mind.

To see reality is as simple as to see one’s face in a mirror. Only the mirror must be clear. We all are born crystal clear mirrors, but dust of our own memories and desires makes us incapable of reflecting life as it is.

The reality is present everywhere in everything. Somewhere, it is green grass, somewhere else, it is a shining star, somewhere else, it is a moving cloud, ssomewhere it is a flower, somewhere, a lake and somewhere else, a mountain. 

Our Ego is the real barrier due to which every person completely overlooks the reality in each moment of life. As an egoistic person, we become the prisoner of our own perception.

We cling to our rigid convictions and regularly crave for more experiences, the memory of which we consider as knowledge. We take remembering as knowledge and gather more experience with time to enrich our memory.

Our own memory and imagination become a wall between us and the reality.

As an egoistic person, we are so full of our own memory-based knowledge that we never respond to reality; on the contrary, we react to it in a very absurd selective way.

Irrespective of the truth in any given situation, we see what we want to look, we hear what we want to listen and we understand what we want to believe.

We need to simply relax in this moment and let our natural peace emerge. In relaxation; it will emerge, or, rather, it will take you in.

“Peace is our natural state of being” and in order to deserve it, we don’t have to disturb it.

We disturb our natural peace by our own thoughts, by constantly channelizing our attention in past memories and future desires. In this present moment, nothing is lacking and nothing is needed. In the depth of our being there is perfect peace.

We disturb our mind with seeking. There is nothing to seek and find, for there is nothing lost. There is nothing to practice. We just need to stop running and rest in our own peace and live integrally, in oneness with all life, as pure being.

Tonight, I died and got reborn. Nothing else is needed anymore. Now I have returned to the real source of life.

For the next few days, I was not able to speak anything at all as my mind was extremely blank. There is no urge left in me to speak or to express my silence in any way.

But gradually, I started sharing my silence with the majestic snow-capped mountains, the vast blue sky, the green meadows carpeted with wild flowers, the crystal-clear blue lake, the moving white clouds, and finally I became accustomed to this inner silence and bliss.

Out of the blue, few random thoughts started intensifying in me as if the entire universe wanted to say something through me. I took out my diary from my rucksack and my hand instinctively started writing a question followed by an answer. Unexpectedly, I ended up completing a small book without human intervention which automatically got named “Attention” – The Ultimate Antidote for Tension.

NOTE: You can read “Attention” at the end of this book. (Page No.108)

One day, while lying on the grass at the shores of Lake Chandratal, I saw a girl waving towards me with a guitar on her back from the other side of the lake. She looked like a foreign traveller.

I waved back and within few minutes, she reached my camp. While shaking hands, I got engrossed towards her deep blue eyes and mysterious smile.

Hi – My name is Christine; do you speak English?

Yes.

Fantastic – What is your name?

Sahaj Sharma.

Are you a Himalayan Shepherd?

Yes.

Where did you learn English?

From travellers like you.

I asked her – What made you come here?

Three things: Mountains, Marijuana and Music. I am a psychologist by profession in Germany and every year, I come to Chandratal Lake to enjoy life in a carefree manner. Apart from travel, I am passionate about music and like smoking hash as a recreational drug for fun.

Hmmm…

She immediately rolled a hash joint and passed it to me. We continued rotating this joint till it finished.

Suddenly, I was fully stoned and got mentally launched in space far beyond the reach of gravity. After some time, when I landed back on planet earth, I experienced extreme thirst and hunger, so I shared some water, dry fruits and cheese with Christine.

She was very normal and started playing her guitar. When her song ended, I stood up and started applauding her terrific performance.

Did you like it?

Absolutely fantastic!

I am truly blessed to be your audience today. According to me, the real depth of an artist actually reflects when the artist disappears in the art itself. In that disappearance, something appears which takes creativity to its highest level. And this instrumental symphony not only made you disappear, even I got totally lost in your rhythm.

Hmm… I never got appreciated in this manner before and it is surprising that your thoughts dive so deep without any direct involvement with music. I am impressed.

What do you like most about your guitar?

Guitar to me represents the balance of life. See if the strings of the guitar are too tight or loose, then music won’t arise. They need to be in perfect harmony in balance; only then the music flows. In the same way, in life, if we try to live in an extreme manner – too tight or too loose, then music of life disappears. One should adopt balanced approach in life and enjoy everything in a reasonable manner.

Hmm…Your words show that you are not only an extremely proficient psychologist but also a profound philosopher.

Yes, my clients also say the same thing about me.

If you don’t mind, can I stay with you and your herd for some days?

Sure. No problem.

Thank you.

After two weeks, Shambhu Nath and Kali came to Chandratal.

What a pleasant surprise. I am so glad to see you.

Same here…we missed you, Hachhi, Rustam and my herd so much that we decided to relocate from that valley to Chandratal.

It’s wonderful that you came!

Who is this girl?

Let me introduce you both to her.

She is Christine, a foreign traveller who is staying with me for the last few days.

Since they did not know English, I became a bridge between them.

At night, next to the bonfire, the musical duet between Ektara of Shambhu (one-string instrument) and Christine’s guitar truly created an ambience of world class musical concert.

At that moment, I felt that life has given me more than I can ever expect. Our void is completely filled as Shambhu Nath and Kali got their kids back and I got my parents in their form.

Later that night, when everyone slept, Christine came to me.

What happened?

Look, I am a very good psychologist and I can clearly see that you don’t belong to the shepherd background. So, tell me the truth.

How can you say that so confidently?

You don’t speak their native language, your command over English is way advanced than that of a beginner, your knowledge of modern world is very profound and, above all, your rucksack of Quechua, expensive diary & Parker Pen is not available in this wilderness.

These are the gifts given by passing by trekkers.

She looked straight into my eyes in the dim light of the bonfire and said, enough lies, now tell me the truth.

I don’t know why I was not able to resist her inquisitive look and felt like sharing my entire story with her.

So, I did. After I finished, she hugged me passionately and, in that moment, I really felt deep love in my heart for her. But I secretly suppressed it in the silence of my heart.

Next day, she said, this is my last month in the Spiti valley. Next month, I will leave for Germany. Can you accompany me for a month in exploring the nearby attractions and marvels?

Sure, I can.

Same night after dinner, I told Shambhu and Kali Devi that I had decided to accompany Christine for a month for local sightseeing and will come back after finishing my responsibilities at home.

They immediately understood my love and supported me to go on this love voyage. At the same time, I could feel restlessness in Hachhi. I guess he had realized that I was leaving.

That night, as usual, I slept with the herd.

Hachhi indicated to me that he somehow knew that I was leaving.

His daily routine was to stay alert and awake the whole night to protect the herd and sleep in the morning. However, that night, he came and slept with me like a carefree baby, as if saying that he would miss me a lot.

I snuggled him and slept with him in deep love and affection.

Next morning, I hugged Shambhu Nath and Kali Devi and bid final goodbye. With a heavy heart, eyes full of tears and affectionate smile they gave me a heart touching farewell.

We will be waiting for you Sahaj?

I am physically leaving you but my heart is here only.

Don’t worry – I will return soon.

I whistled Hachhi and Rustam and they came running towards me, cuddled me and started licking all over my face. The entire herd looked at us with confusion and anticipation.

After this emotional send-off, I picked up my rucksack and started walking on a trail moving down the valley with Christine towards the town of Kaza.

When I turned around from the corner of the valley, I saw everybody waving towards me, but Hachhi was missing in the picture.

I turned around and saw Hachhi sitting on the next curve. I hugged him and asked him to go back but he would simply not heed to my order.

After every curve, I would ask Hachhi to go back but he had already made up his mind. I guess he wanted to guide us the way till the point of his satisfaction.

Finally, after four hours of trek, Hachhi stopped and started barking at a particular point from where I could see the Kaza village and a road at a distance. I hugged Hachhi and kissed him on his forehead and he licked my face and finally turned around. I watched him returning till he disappeared on a trail leading into the forest.

Then I turned around and reached the Kaza town within few minutes. Encountering any town, howsoever small, after such a long time is somewhat shocking and weird.

Unexpectedly, Christine turned around and passionately kissed me.

Thank you for coming with me.

At that moment, I felt that when two people are in deep intimate world of love, they dissolve completely. On the surface, we appear to be two but deep down within, we merge in the fire of love and merge into one. This merging and melting into oneness is the greatest mystery which happens between all lovers.

Every day through new adventurous camping experiences, we used to challenge our mind and every night under the star-studded sky in front of the bonfire, we used to ignite our passionate intimacy groping the hidden horizons of our love.

One day, Christine said, let’s go to a nearby Buddhist monastery as I want to check out unique Thangka paintings and learn this painting technique from the monks who make it.

What is so special about these paintings?

A Thangka is a painting on silk with embroidery, usually depicting a Buddhist deity, scene, or mandala of some sort. The Thangka is not a flat creation like an oil painting or acrylic painting but consists of a picture panel which is embroidered, over which a textile is mounted and then on which is laid a cover, usually silk.

Hmm…sounds complicated.

After reaching the monastery, she inquired about these paintings. One of the senior old monks who was also the head of that monastery showed us few amazing Thangka paintings of Buddha. He also told us that these paintings are made by seven to nine year old young monks.

Wow, is it possible if I could every day sit with these young monks for some time in the afternoon and learn this amazing art?

No…It’s not possible as only students of this monastery are allowed to practice this ancient art of making scared Thangka paintings.

Please…. I am ready to do anything in return.

While Christine was begging and negotiating with this old monk, I looked around and surprisingly encountered a sparrow that had accidentally entered this monastery from the main door and got stuck inside and was frantically flying in circles with the desperation to find a way out.

I slowly opened one of the windows and assumed that this sparrow would fly away; however, to my surprise, she was again circling the monastery and was not able to escape. Finally, after making multiple circles, the sparrow got so confused and exhausted that she sat on one of the opened inner window panels but was not able to realize that the way out was just next to it.

Suddenly, I clapped very loudly which scared the bird and she found the open space and flew away towards the deep blue sky. Shock therapy worked but this unwanted clap diverted the attention of this senior old monk towards me.

Christine angrily glared at me as I had provoked the monk by disturbing the monastery silence. She apologized to the monk on my behalf and told him that she would pay five hundred Rupees every day for learning this art. This monk ignored her deal but looked straight at me for few seconds.

No…we don’t need the money; instead, you need to bring this man with you every day. He needs to also understand how to fly away like this bird.

In a state of pleasant shock, she agreed.

After this incident, we came out of the monastery.

Did you know this monk beforehand?

No.

Then what could be the reason that he laid this condition to bring you along with me instead of monetary compensation?

I don’t know.

Sounds strange!

Anyways, now hurry up and let’s rush to the sunset point lest we missed it.

While watching the sunset, we both were in deep silence and serenity. She leaned on my shoulder and made me feel like the king of the world. During the sunset, we kissed each other in deep oneness and surrender.

She knew that I loved her madly as I knew that she loved me deeply but we never expressed it in words because our love itself is so pure that it needs to be cherished in the silence of heart. That is where it actually grows.

Every day, we would hang out together from sunrise till sunset exploring the soulful world of love, just like two bodies and one soul. We would feel the oneness of love everywhere irrespective of the place.

One day, while I was completely absorbed in observing Christine engaged in making a Thangka painting, a small monk suddenly disturbed my flow and told me that senior old monk wanted to see me in the monastery garden.

After reaching the garden, I saw that the head monk was sitting under the shadow of the tree enjoying his tea.

Would you like to have a cup of tea?

Sure…

He poured the tea in my cup and gave it to me.

Thank you.

He smiled back in response.

After finishing the tea, he got up abruptly and strangely left without saying a word.

The same tea ceremony happened next day in a similar silent fashion and continued throughout the week.

Instead of any conversation, I am enjoying the silence between us. Silence between us is so profound that thoughts can never reach it and words can never preach it.

Christine picked up the techniques of making Thangka paintings within two weeks and gave a grand party to all the young monks for their support and gifted her first painting to the senior monk of the monastery.

In our last tea ceremony, Christine asked the monk, “I am still confused, why you kept such a condition to bring Sahaj along with me?

He already knows the answer to your question.

After our tea finished, we came out of the monastery and I thanked Christine for bringing me to this monk.

I know something transpired between you and this monk which I am not able to figure out.

Could you please explain me this mystery?

There is no mystery.

Then why did he say that you already knew the answer to my question?

And above all, what was the purpose behind all the tea ceremonies in the garden?

This monk was observing my silence and stillness to confirm if it is real or fake.

And how was he observing it?

See, generally it is very difficult for any person to sit silently for some time and even in those moments, our mind starts wandering in memories and desires. However, in my case, I was completely at peace with myself. I was totally enjoying each sip of my tea with utmost pleasure without any thoughts.

The highest state of a human existence is when the mind matures and stops wandering behind materialistic and non- materialistic things. In that silence and stillness, the real self merges with the cosmic self and we are empowered with ultimate freedom – freedom from oneself.

Only a minuscule of humankind, one in millions, understands this and stops running.

Why did the monk say that you need to also understand how to fly away like that bird?

In his silent presence, I realized that I am at peace with myself, but without sharing it, my inner bud will not blossom into a flower.

So, he metaphorically said that I needed to fly away from my solitude back into the world to share my inner peace.

But he is also not doing that. He himself is residing in this remote cold desert in an isolated monastery.

In the chain of awakened human beings, we always have two types of individuals.

First one – Who do not speak the truth but indicate the truth through their silent soulful presence. They never force anyone to wake up as everybody is unique and, sooner or later, everybody will wake up from their dream. If somebody wants to enjoy their illusion for some more time, it is his life and freedom and nobody has the right to interfere in their sleep. They don’t impose their truth on others.

Second one – Who speak and share their truth and try to devise as many techniques as possible to wake up the sleeping minds. They believe that like they had been searching for the ultimate freedom at one point and somebody showed them the way, in the same manner, many others could be searching, and somebody need to show them the way.

And what is the cause of such opposite expression of truth?

It entirely depends on your personality before your awakening. If you are an introvert person, you will prefer to stay silent after your inner awakening; on the other hand, if you are extrovert, you would like to communicate your truth in all the possible manners after your inner awakening.

At the end, all I know is that an awakened human being enjoys his undivided existence to its fullest and empowers others to enjoy their unified existence as well. A true guru creates more gurus, not followers. His inner flame enlightens more flames.

Hmm… intriguing but quite impressive!

But then what have you got to say about all the religions like Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, Jainism, Zoroastrians and a score of others? Are they all sham?

No, but presently, followers of almost all religions instead of diving deep into the source of truth directly, try to dictate and dominate others as per their borrowed belief system and personal preferences.

However, these blind followers have forgotten that the very source of every religion was a unique integrated human being, a free soul who followed nobody except his own heart.

In short, I love the individual source of unified reality but dislike all these blind followers who associate themselves with hypocrisy and superstitions instead of exploring their undivided real existence directly.

All the mystics opened a new unique inner door to the ultimate freedom and oneness.

However, instead of passing through this door by understanding their messages, these blind followers have started repeating them like parrots, thereby insulting the love of that mystic every day. These messages are wake up calls, nothing else. But instead of waking up by these deep messages contained in all scriptures these blind followers started worshipping them.

The only difference between awakened mystics and you is that your eyes are closed towards your real nature, whereas their eyes are open.

How do you plan to share your truth with the world?

Through you.

What do you mean?

I took out my diary, gave it to Christine and asked her to publish and share my book “Attention” in Germany.

This book is not written by me but through me. You can consider me as an empty flute through which some mysterious life-force shared its silent symphony which is articulated in words in this book. 

This book is just a door between the real and unreal – so pass through it and then forget about it forever.

Why not publish in India?

Here for the people, spiritual quest is not a priority. Everyone is so full with borrowed knowledge of scriptures that there is no space left in their heart to allow reality to enter inside.

The fake gurus have ruined the grace of awakened mystics and weakened the faith of true seekers. This country no more welcomes the real mystic. It only talks about religion, in fact talks much about God, but its heart has become materialistic.

On the other hand, western countries are at the peak of their materialistic saturation and desperately want to know the reality of life.

I understand your point now.

Now I can’t wait to read your book. I will certainly finish it tonight.

The next morning, when she woke up, she was absolutely silent and remained immersed in her blissful silence till afternoon.

She was so lost in her silent bliss that everything appeared to her like a dream.

In the afternoon, she asked, what’s wrong with me?

Nothing. You are just waking up towards your real self. Your bud is opening up and blooming into a flower. Ultimately, the caterpillar will die and the butterfly will be born. Just let it happen.

But I didn’t do anything to wake up.

I laughed loudly and said, that’s the beauty of inner awakening. You don’t do it. It happens.

Like deep sleep…IT JUST HAPPENS.

But I am totally drowning in this ocean of silence. Is it my death?

Yes, you will be dead soon. Your personal chaotic self will disappear forever as if it had never existed…as if you dreamt about it. But something far more beautiful will be born.

When can I expect this inner death?

I really don’t know.

However, what I know is that soon you will open your eyes towards your real nature and will become free forever. Your dream world will disappear soon and with it all your desires will also vanish forever.

Don’t think about it…Don’t fight or flow with it – simply surrender!

Within a week, I observed that her old self had completely died and disappeared. Now her body was like an empty flute through which divine music of existence was flowing. Her existence was not split in duality anymore.

She had become one with the whole. Christine finally merged with her inner Christ.

Sahaj, I don’t know what I will do next, where I will go from here….now I am like a free-wheeling cloud and have completely surrendered myself to the Supreme Source, like a baby surrenders to its mother.

Relax and just go with the flow.

Finally, the departure day has arrived.

Today is our last sunset together as tomorrow morning I will take my flight from Bhuntar airport to New Delhi and thence to Munich.

We both watched our last sunset like two bodies and one soul. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I hugged him and said, I will come back to you before my last breath and kissed him passionately.

After reaching Germany, I will straightaway go to a publisher, Sahaj, to bring this book in front of the world. Thank you for making me your first reader as this book has really transformed my life.

Thank you, Christine, for bringing me back. You not only connected me back to this world but also showed me that restricting my peace within me is like a boat on dry land.

A really awakened man needs to live in the world. He needs to stand in the midst of running minds and enjoy the stillness and silence of his being. Living in the world is the test of an awakened man which shows that the bud has actually opened and the fragrance is real.

Thank you for putting me to this test.

Christine kissed me in response and said, you have successfully cleared this test, baby.

Look around. You are living in the world but the world is not living in you.

Early morning around four thirty, Christine and I left in a jeep from Kaza to the lively town of Manali. The infinite blue sky and the animated slivery clouds of Kaza gave her a resoundingly silent farewell.

After crossing the Rohtang pass, the landscape quickly turned from dry brown to lush green, as we entered the Kullu district.

At Bhuntar airport, before boarding her flight, she kissed me for the last time and without saying a word, entered the flight to New Delhi.

With a heavy heart, I watched the flight fading into the sky till the end.

Before returning back to my shepherd family in the serene Himalayan Mountains, I decided to visit my home in Manali.

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